I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
