a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize