Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
