Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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