Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
