When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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