Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
