I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
