happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
