Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
