I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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