those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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