my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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