Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
