At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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