Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
