In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're too hungover to prance.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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