How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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