when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
