Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
