I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
