whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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