it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
