I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
