We're like a lot better than the average bears
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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