I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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