awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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