If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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