no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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