Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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