Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
