He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
