Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize