The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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