I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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