shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
