i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
