i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
