i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
