I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
