i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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