tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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