im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize