shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
