I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
