I feel great
I just peed on a car
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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