saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
