True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Randomize
