I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We got so high we made milksteak
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
