I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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