I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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