Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
