Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
