I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
