i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Buhtt sex?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
