I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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