Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
