He kissed a someone with a penis
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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