Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
