Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
