when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
