All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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