the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize