Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
