Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
